A Few Quick Ones
| Company type | Book |
|---|---|
| Industry | Literature |
| Founded | 13 April 1959 (US publication) |
| Founder | P. G. Wodehouse |
| Headquarters | United States, United Kingdom |
| Products | Short story collection |
A Few Quick Ones is a compilation of ten brief tales authored by P. G. Wodehouse, initially released in the United States on 13 April 1959 by Simon & Schuster and subsequently in the United Kingdom on 26 June 1959 through Herbert Jenkins Ltd. The dust jacket for the American edition was crafted by Paul Bacon. The title alludes to British colloquialism for a swift alcoholic beverage.
The collection includes familiar Wodehouse characters and motifs: four members of the Drones Club (comprising two stories each about Freddie Widgeon and Bingo Little), two golf-themed narratives featuring the Oldest Member, two tales involving Mr Mulliner, one story with Jeeves and Bertie Wooster, and one centered on Ukridge.
The story "A Tithe for Charity" was omitted from the original US publication, which instead contained a 1958 "exclusive" pseudo-Drones tale titled "Unpleasantness at Kozy Kot"—a revised version of the 1928 Jeeves story "Fixing it for Freddie". Additionally, "Jeeves Makes an Omelette" is an adaptation of the 1913 Reggie Pepper story "Doing Clarence a Bit of Good", originally included in the UK anthology My Man Jeeves.
"The Fat of the Land"
- US publication: This Week, 2 November 1958 (an abbreviated, modified variant)
"The Fat of the Land" introduces the Drones Club’s Fat Uncles sweepstakes, which also plays a key role in the 1965 narrative "Stylish Stouts".
- Synopsis
Freddie Widgeon initiates a Fat Uncles sweepstakes at the club, where participants draw names of uncles, and the holder of the heaviest uncle claims a prize exceeding one hundred pounds. On the day of the Eton versus Harrow match, Mr. McGarry, the club’s bartender, estimates each uncle’s weight by visual appraisal. The general expectation is that whoever draws Freddie’s notably large uncle, Lord Blicester, will be victorious. The wealthiest member, Oofy Prosser, selects Lord Blicester’s name; meanwhile, Freddie draws Oofy’s Uncle Horace.
Oofy presents a letter accompanied by a photograph depicting Uncle Horace as extremely overweight and proposes exchanging tickets with Freddie under the guise of generosity. The swap is officially recorded by the contest organizer. Oofy later discovers that Uncle Horace is dieting to impress Mrs. Loretta Delancy. Subsequently, Oofy deceives Freddie into another ticket exchange by showing him the photograph once more.
While in Paris, Oofy observes that Uncle Horace remains portly but has ceased dieting. Back in London, Freddie is concealing himself in disguise due to debts incurred from betting on a losing horse. On contest day, Oofy convinces Freddie to swap tickets yet again, offering fifty pounds as incentive. Upon Uncle Horace’s arrival, it emerges that he is actually Oofy’s distant cousin and thus disqualified from competition. Oofy expresses dissatisfaction as he must now cover his uncle’s dining expenses.
"Scratch Man"
- US release: Saturday Evening Post, 20 January 1940 (titled "Tee for Two") (set in America with American names; featured in US edition)
- UK release: Strand, September 1940 (titled "Tee for Two") (set in Britain with British names; included in UK edition)
- Synopsis
The Oldest Member narrates Harold Pickering’s tale—a publishing partner with a fourteen handicap who temporarily attains scratch golfer status motivated by love.
Harold approaches golf champion John Rockett to purchase his memoirs. Rockett’s children, all scratch golfers themselves, bear names inspired by famous golf courses. Harold develops feelings for Rockett’s daughter Troon and nervously attempts to propose marriage; however, she departs abruptly, apparently rejecting him due to his high handicap. Resolute, Harold seeks coaching from Agnes Flack—the club's female champion known for her athletic prowess and rigorous training methods. Agnes had previously assisted Sidney McMurdo in lowering his handicap from fifteen to plus one.
With Agnes’s mentorship, Harold achieves scratch status and enters the club championship. Due to a misunderstanding, Agnes believes Harold loves her when he expresses gratitude warmly, leading to an engagement between them.
In the championship final, Harold competes against Sidney—Agnes’s former fiancé—who behaves menacingly out of jealousy and threatens Harold. To preserve his reputation, Harold refrains from confrontation and allows Sidney to win but later pushes Sidney into water to evade further threats. Upon returning home, Agnes ends her engagement with Harold because of his poor performance and reconciles with Sidney.
As they depart, Troon arrives and embraces Harold, clarifying that she had misunderstood his earlier proposal attempt and had fallen in love with him. Harold admits he cannot sustain scratch level play and should have a handicap closer to ten. Troon reveals she also struggled to maintain scratch status and prefers a partner with a similar handicap—making them well suited for one another.
"The Right Approach"
- UK: Lilliput, September 1958 (omitting the Angler's Rest preface)
- US: Playboy, January 1959 (abridged and revised, with altered character names)
Russell Clutterbuck, a character in this story, also features in French Leave.
- Plot
Mr. Mulliner shares a tale about his nephew Augustus, who attends a charity bazaar held at Balmoral on Wimbledon Common alongside his godmother. There, he becomes enamored with Hermione Brimble, who resides under the strict supervision of her aunt, Beatrice Gudgeon. To win their favor, Augustus pretends to be devout, extolling Social Purity—the principal concern of Mrs. Gudgeon—and secures an invitation to their home.
Mrs. Gudgeon's stepson, the novelist Oswald Stoker, is engaged to Yvonne and feels uneasy about hosting his American publisher, Russell Clutterbuck, for dinner. Augustus claims abstinence from alcohol, which Hermione finds reassuring. He proposes marriage but is turned down, leaving him confused. Later that evening, when he returns to Balmoral, the butler Staniforth refuses him entry.
Oswald suggests that Augustus serenade Hermione with a song about desiring a rose from her hair. After drinking with Clutterbuck, Oswald brings along the publisher and his unfriendly dog. The dog chases Augustus up a tree, prompting Oswald and Clutterbuck to attempt the serenade themselves. Their drunken behavior escalates into breaking a window and throwing eggs, leading Staniforth to threaten to detain them.
Amid the disorder, Hermione and Mrs. Gudgeon arrive; Mrs. Gudgeon is furious with Augustus. Observing Hermione’s tears, Oswald remarks that she now believes Augustus is athletic and truly loves her. When Augustus climbs down from the tree, they become engaged. As a wedding present, Oswald gives them a toad, which Hermione plans to place in the butler’s bed along with some frogs as a prank.
"Jeeves Makes an Omelette"
- Canada: Toronto Star, 22 August 1958 (abridged edition)
- UK: Lilliput, February 1959 (abridged edition)
- US: Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, August 1959 (under the title "Jeeves and the Stolen Venus")
Refer to "Jeeves Makes an Omelette" for details.
"The Word in Season"
- UK: Punch, 21 August 1940
- US: Harper's Bazaar, 15 September 1940
- US: This Week, 18 May 1958 (retitled "Bingo Little's Wild Night Out")
- Plot
Bingo Little’s infant son, Algernon Aubrey Little, is nominated for membership at the Drones Club. While some members oppose admitting a noisy baby, a prominent Crumpet argues that Algy will be an asset. The Crumpet recounts Bingo’s attempts to raise funds for Algy’s first birthday savings.
Bingo wagers ten pounds—his entire advance—on a horse that ultimately loses. To recoup the loss, he writes a story accepted by the editor of Wee Tots but unpaid by its owner Henry Cuthbert Purkiss. Bingo then approaches godfather Oofy Prosser for ten pounds; instead of lending money, Oofy pays Bingo to entertain Mabel Murgatroyd, whom he wishes to avoid. After dining with Mabel, Bingo loses money gambling and hides with her in a neighbor’s water barrel during a police raid.
Rosie confronts Bingo about this escapade but becomes distracted when Algy utters his first word: "Cat." Purkiss arrives with Rosie’s friend Julia seeking confirmation that Bingo spent the previous night with Julia—a claim Bingo eagerly confirms in exchange for ten pounds. Using this money, Bingo reassures Rosie he was not at the gambling house and adds ten pounds to Algy’s account.
"Big Business"
- US: Collier's, 13 December 1952 (excludes Mulliner framing; protagonist is Reggie Watson-Watson)
- UK: Lilliput, March/April 1953 (excludes Mulliner framing; protagonist is Reggie Watson-Watson)
- Plot
At the Angler's Rest, Mr Mulliner recounts a tale about his nephew Reginald, who intends to perform "Ol' Man River" at a local village concert. Reginald comes into an inheritance of £50,000 from a cousin in Argentina, which allows him to openly pursue his fiancée Amanda Biffen despite opposition from her guardian, Sir Jasper Todd.
Sir Jasper devises a plan to seize Reginald’s fortune by tricking him into purchasing worthless shares in an oil company named 'Smelly River Ordinaries.' Upset by Reginald’s investment in the worthless stock, Amanda threatens to marry Lord Knubble instead.
Reginald channels his frustration into a stirring rendition of "Ol' Man River," earning widespread praise and the courage to confront Sir Jasper at Wissel Hall. Inside the house, Reginald mistakenly uses paraffin instead of stain remover and departs before Police Constable Popjoy can intervene.
Witnessing Reginald’s passionate performance and his flight from Popjoy, Amanda knocks out the officer and professes her love. Upon learning about Sir Jasper’s use of paraffin in the scheme, she demands that Sir Jasper repurchase the shares at their now doubled value of £100,000—an agreement he grudgingly accepts.
"Leave it to Algy"
- Plot
Bingo Little, along with his wife Rosie and their baby son Algernon Aubrey ("Algy"), spends a holiday at Bramley-on-Sea with Henry Cuthbert Purkiss—the editor of the children's magazine Wee Tots—his wife Julia, Oofy Prosser, and American cartoonist Wally Judd. Before traveling to London, Rosie insists that Bingo report his lost gold cufflinks to the police, unaware he secretly pawned them for five pounds to back a losing horse wager.
Bingo agrees to judge a Bonny Babies contest on Purkiss’s behalf in exchange for five pounds. Unfortunately, the payment note is carried away by the wind before Bingo can retrieve it, leaving him unable to redeem his cufflinks. Oofy proposes pretending to be Algy’s uncle and entering him into the contest; Bingo will then declare Algy the winner to please Rosie and divert attention from the missing cufflinks. Oofy bets ten pounds on Algy and promises Bingo five pounds afterward.
At the event, Oofy fails to appear, forcing Bingo to choose a winner at random. A police officer arrests a man seen with Algy on suspicion of kidnapping but releases him after Bingo intervenes. Following a confrontation with a constable, Oofy refuses to pay Bingo the promised five pounds. Later, when Algy strikes a man wearing a Homburg hat with a spade, that man—Wally Judd—offers Bingo twenty pounds to model Algy as a villain in his comic strip. Bingo accepts and proceeds to recover his cufflinks.
"Joy Bells for Walter"
- US: This Week, 7 October 1956 (under the title "Keep Your Temper, Walter")
- UK: John Bull, 16 February 1957 (under the title "Keep Your Temper, Walter")
An Oldest Member golf narrative; this story is a condensed adaptation of "Excelsior" from Nothing Serious.
"A Tithe for Charity"
- US: Playboy, April 1955
- Plot
Corky, a writer and acquaintance of Stanley Ukridge, is taken aback when George Tupper mentions that Ukridge visited without asking for money but borrowed some clothing instead. Ukridge explains he needed the suit for an interview with a wealthy novelist’s friend searching for a tutor. Aunt Julia gave him fifteen pounds to buy clothes, and her butler Barter advised him to place a bet on a horse called Dogsbody. However, before he could wager, Ukridge fled upon being recognized by a creditor. Since the horse lost, Ukridge expresses gratitude to his "guardian angel" for preventing him from gambling and vows to donate a tithe of the fifteen pounds to charity by handing out shillings to three individuals in need.
The following day, Corky struggles to locate his umbrella required for an interview with novelist Horace Wanklyn until his landlord reveals that Ukridge borrowed it. Corky then finds Ukridge dressed in Tupper’s attire carrying the umbrella. They discover they both have appointments with the same gentleman. Ukridge has already given shillings to two "deserving" recipients: a disheveled man and a girl, though the latter aroused police suspicion. After giving sixpence to a ragged man who gratefully embraces him, Corky meets Wanklyn, who resents his daughter’s insistence on dressing well after receiving charity from a stranger.
Corky cautions Ukridge against further encounters with Wanklyn. Subsequently, Ukridge realizes the ragged man has stolen his wallet and decides to cease his charitable acts, ignoring another beggar’s appeal.
"Oofy, Freddie and the Beef Trust"
- First published in the 1949 omnibus Best of Wodehouse as "Freddie, Oofy and the Beef Trust"
- Plot
Oofy Prosser openly expresses his dislike for wrestlers at the Drones Club. A club member recounts an incident involving Jas Waterbury that stirred trouble between Oofy and wrestlers.
Jas offers Freddie Widgeon an investment opportunity requiring several hundred pounds. Lacking funds himself, Freddie proposes introducing Jas to the affluent Oofy Prosser, who is asked to invest two hundred pounds to promote wrestling matches featuring two all-in wrestlers, Porky Jupp and Plug Bosher. The wrestlers train at a cottage but become uncooperative due to poor food.
Oofy suggests hiring a new cook; Jas recommends his niece Myrtle Cootes, whose culinary skills restore peace between the wrestlers. To avoid paying Freddie his commission, Oofy convinces him that the wrestlers will not reconcile and gives him ten pounds instead.
A rivalry develops as Porky and Plug vie for Myrtle’s attention. Jas persuades Oofy to pretend to court Myrtle in order to unite the wrestlers against him. When Oofy kisses Myrtle, they threaten violence until Jas claims Oofy is engaged to her, which Oofy confirms under pressure.
Plug and Porky quit wrestling and plan to travel to Africa. Despite Oofy's reluctance, Jas threatens legal action and violence unless Oofy pays two thousand pounds.
A week later at the Drones Club, Jas applies for membership. Upon seeing him, Oofy attacks but is restrained by Freddie, who remains gullible and later gives Jas an additional ten pounds.
Background
In the story "Leave it to Algy," Oofy Prosser consents to become the godfather of Algernon Aubrey Little, stipulating that once he has given a christening present, no additional gifts will be expected in the future. This arrangement reflects a real-life agreement Wodehouse made when he became godfather to Frances Donaldson's daughter Rose under comparable conditions.
Publication history
"The Fat of the Land" and "Keep Your Temper, Walter" were published in This Week accompanied by illustrations from James Williamson. "Scratch Man" featured Williamson's artwork in the Saturday Evening Post and was illustrated by Gilbert Wilkinson in the Strand. "The Right Approach" appeared in Playboy with drawings by Shel Silverstein and later in Lilliput illustrated by Geoffrey Salter. The story "The Word in Season" first appeared in Punch and was also printed in Harper's Bazaar with illustrations by Peter Arno; it was retitled "Bingo Little's Wild Night Out" for its appearance in This Week, where Richard Hook provided the artwork.
Robert Fawcett illustrated "Big Business" for Collier's, while "Anton" provided illustrations for its publication in Lilliput. An earlier version of "Leave it to Algy," called "The Ordeal of Bingo Little," ran in Blue Book with Walt Wetterberg’s illustrations; a condensed edition was published in John Bull, featuring artwork by Edwin Phillips, who also illustrated "Keep Your Temper, Walter" for the same magazine. "A Tithe for Charity" was released in Playboy with Jerry Warshaw’s illustrations.
The story "Scratch Man" was included in the US edition of the 1940 collection Eggs, Beans and Crumpets, as well as the 1973 anthology The Golf Omnibus and the 1983 Folio Society volume titled Short Stories. "The Right Approach" was part of the 1964 compilation The Best From Playboy. Both "The Right Approach" and "Big Business" featured in the 1972 publication The World of Mr. Mulliner. The tale "A Tithe for Charity" was collected within 1975's The World of Ukridge. The stories "The Fat of the Land," "The Word in Season," "Leave it to Algy," and "Oofy, Freddie and the Beef Trust" were gathered together in the 1982 volume Tales from the Drones Club.
Although Wodehouse’s narratives seldom state specific years, "The Fat of the Land" makes explicit reference to dates: Oofy Prosser’s uncle Hildebrand passed away from a stroke in 1947, while his uncle Stanley died from cirrhosis in 1949.
Adaptations
The story "Big Business" was transformed into an episode for the television series Wodehouse Playhouse broadcast in 1978.
See also
- Comprehensive list of P. G. Wodehouse short stories, organized by series
References and sources
- References
- Sources
- Including initial publications and collection appearances.