Please Miss

Please Miss: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Penis

Company type	Autobiography
Industry	Publishing
Founded	February 2022 (2022-02)
Founder	Grace Elisabeth Lavery
Products	Book
Parent	Seal Press

Please Miss: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Penis is an autobiography released in February 2022 by professor Grace Elisabeth Lavery, published through Seal Press. The narrative details her journey through gender transition and battles with addiction, interlaced with sexually explicit absurdist elements and fantastical stories revolving around the "paradigmatic concept of the penis." Initiated in 2018, the text captures Lavery’s experience undergoing transition while seeking tenure as an academic, featuring a fragmented organization that shifts among various themes and subjects.

A notable feature includes a collection of frenetic letters penned by aggressive clowns, representing different antagonistic characters and ideas. Critics have lauded the book for its symbolic depiction of transgender experiences, though some have pointed out that its unconventional style might pose challenges for readers less acquainted with the topic.

Background

Lavery has stated that although the autobiography was a lifelong endeavor, the actual composition started after she began her transition in 2018, coinciding with her tenure review process at the University of California, Berkeley. This timing motivated her to capture her experiences against the backdrop of the political environment during the Trump administration, resulting in a complex format employing diverse expressive techniques. The work was gradually written over time using her phone’s notes application.

Content

The book begins with a dialogue between Lavery and her partner Daniel M. Lavery debating whether memoir is an appropriate genre to examine contemporary transgender life, questioning genre boundaries and whether trans experiences must be fully lived to be authentically represented in autobiography. Lavery contends that no single work can encompass the entirety of trans existence but argues that an absurdist method addressing varied topics better fulfills this goal. She comments that a straightforward memoir would offer less insight than metaphorical representation, although chapter four adopts a more direct style intended to unsettle readers through its "intimate disclosure."

Interspersed throughout are manic letters from clowns addressed to Lavery, embodying figures who are simultaneously comical and terrifying, symbolizing concepts such as "a bad trans woman," gender dysphoria, and "monstrous whiteness."

The dedication is made to Lavery’s mother, with frequent exploration of their familial relationship and shared experiences.

Critical reception

Daniel Spielberger from Them magazine characterized the book as a fusion of surreal autofiction and literary theory, resulting in a complex, layered piece that is both perplexing and captivating. Katie Tobin at Dazed emphasized its central inquiry, "What does it truly mean to transition?" highlighting its reflections on sex, gender, and popular culture delivered with bold irreverence and humor. Barry Pierce writing for The Irish Times commended Lavery’s metaphorical treatment of trans identity, describing it as an untamed collage of commentary, memories, and critique whose chaotic structure aptly mirrors its subject. In contrast, Sarah Ditum in The Times dismissed it as a "tiresome, taboo-trashing trans memoir".

Alastair Mabbott from The Herald noted that readers familiar with academic discourse would derive the most benefit, whereas others might find Lavery’s vigorous narrative taxing but still appreciate its originality and provocative spirit.

Emily Bowles for Library Journal highlighted how the blend of essays, letters, anecdotes, and reflections defies conventional genre expectations to craft a memoir that challenges norms and captivates its audience. McKenzie Wark writing in Liber expressed ambivalence: while the book’s extravagance occasionally alienates itself from trans culture, it remains powerfully truthful in depicting transgender experience. Wark described it as daringly sacrificial but respected Lavery for this approach. Andreas Copes at Philadelphia Gay News praised it as a "perfect metaphor for trans existence," connecting skepticism about the book’s legitimacy to wider societal doubts toward trans identities, and underscoring themes of self-acceptance, friendship, and family. Vicky Osterweil for Lux Magazine observed that Please Miss serves as a reminder that queer struggles can be humorous, joyful, and sensual—sometimes best confronted with laughter in defiance of adversity.