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Plumbers Don't Wear Ties

From Alfawiki
United Pixtures
Company typePrivate
IndustryVideo games
Founded1993
Headquarters
Fremont, California
,
United States
ProductsPlumbers Don't Wear Ties

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is an adult-themed romantic comedy video game created by United Pixtures and distributed by Kirin Entertainment in September 1994 for the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer. Prior to this, a limited-release version for Microsoft Windows was launched in 1993 by United Pixtures. The storyline revolves around John and Jane, portrayed by Edward J. Foster and Jeanne Basone, respectively—two individuals under parental pressure to find a life partner. The player's mission is to bring these characters together.

The title experienced poor sales and was met with largely unfavorable critiques, mainly due to its substandard production quality, illogical plot, weak performances and humor, as well as its presentation as a slideshow rather than the promised full-motion video experience. It is frequently listed among the worst video games ever made.

During E3 2021, Limited Run Games revealed plans for a re-release across platforms including Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Windows, and Xbox Series X and Series S, with the launch occurring in March 2024.

Gameplay

Players navigate through the narrative by choosing from two to three options displayed in a DVD menu-like interface, using either the D-pad or mouse. Only certain selections advance the story; incorrect choices trigger remarks from two narrators who occasionally argue with each other. The player directs John or Jane’s decisions, with successful choices strengthening their relationship. After multiple wrong attempts, players can opt to restart or explore alternative options.

Plot

A full motion video segment introduces Jane, who explains the game's objectives and rules. The majority of gameplay consists of static images accompanied by actors delivering lines. The narrator changes once during play before returning to the initial voice.

Set in early 1990s Los Angeles, John (Edward J. Foster), a plumber, and Jane (Jeanne Basone), a college student, face parental pressure to find suitable partners. John's mother arranges a dinner with a date named Amy, while Jane attends a job interview, unhappy with her former colleagues.

John and Jane cross paths at 8:00 AM in a parking lot; John immediately becomes infatuated with Jane, calling her "perfect," and skips work to wait for her after her interview. Harry Armis (also portraying Jane's father) serves as the narrator.

At the interview, Jane’s potential employer Paul Mark Thresher (Paul Bokor) withdraws her job offer but hints at "something can be worked out," implying an inappropriate proposition. When Jane rejects his advances and escapes an attempted assault, John pursues Thresher through Los Angeles streets to save her. During this chase, narrator Wilma (Thyra Metz) temporarily replaces Armis before he returns.

Thresher offers Jane $5 million in exchange for sex; she declines after John confesses his feelings. John and Jane depart together while Thresher consoles himself with another date (Samantha Eggersoll) and contacts the police. They return to the parking lot where they initially met.

As a reward for John's integrity, Jane invites him to dinner and they ride together on his bike to her home. When John reveals his profession as a plumber, Jane expresses skepticism, stating, "Plumbers don't wear ties."

Unfavorable endings include:

  • If John fails to pursue Thresher, Thresher seduces John, forming a couple before prompting the player to try again.
  • Should Jane accept Thresher's proposal, John marries Amy and fathers three children to satisfy his mother, while Jane turns to prostitution.
  • Choosing "Gimme Something Completely Different" results in Jane admitting she is a virgin planning to become a nun; John is unable to change her mind and returns home for a shotgun wedding arranged by his mother with Amy.

Development

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was released by Kirin Entertainment, a subsidiary of Digital Stuff Inc. located in Fremont, California. The project was developed and overseen by Michael Anderson, with Martin Golnick composing the musical soundtrack.

Release

The Windows edition launched prior to the 3DO version but was produced in very limited quantities, causing it to become largely forgotten. In 2017, a user uncovered the PC copy through a library archive at Ball State University, which led to its emulation and distribution on the Internet Archive. Compared to the 3DO release, the Windows version offers superior audio quality and unedited cutscenes.

At E3 2021, Limited Run Games revealed plans to bring the title to Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, and Windows platforms, available in both digital and physical formats. Originally targeted for a 2022 launch, the release was rescheduled for September 2023. Physical preorders commenced on September 22, 2023, with the digital launch set for March 5, 2024. The Definitive Edition introduces features such as save states, an in-game gallery, documentary footage, and a dungeon crawler mode that unlocks additional content. Limited Run Games also published a novel adaptation authored by Mike Drucker.

Cast

  • Edward J. Fasulo as John (credited under Edward J. Foster)
  • Jeanne Basone portraying Jane
  • Paul Bokor in the role of Thresher
  • Michael Anderson as Male Narrator and Jane’s father (credited as Harry Armis)
  • Thyra Metz as Wilma, the Female Narrator
  • Violetta Gevorkian playing John's mother
  • Samantha Eggersoll as Thresher’s date and voice of John's mother
  • Danny Beyda, Giovanni Cuarez, Grant Swanson, and Soumaya Young appearing as alternate versions of John and Jane during a fantasy sequence

Reception

Initially overlooked due to its release on the 3DO platform, Plumbers Don't Wear Ties gained infamy after being featured in James Rolfe’s Angry Video Game Nerd series in 2009. It is frequently cited among the worst video games ever created, primarily because it was marketed as a full-motion video game but mostly consisted of static images displayed in slideshow form, with only the introduction containing actual FMV. Criticism also targeted its bizarre narrative, substandard voice performances, and inconsistent use of color filters. The game is often mentioned as a contributing factor to the commercial failure of the 3DO console.

Critics overwhelmingly panned the game: Diego Antico gave it a score of 15%, questioning elements such as music, visuals, and gameplay mechanics. Allgame assigned one star while highlighting the misleading FMV advertising. Video Games & Computer Entertainment compared it to a poorly produced public access television show featuring weak voice acting and unappealing content. PC Gamer rated it at 3%, describing it as an "irksome pseudo-pornographic photo story." PC Format awarded its lowest rating ever—4%.

In 1997, Electronic Gaming Monthly listed it as the fourth worst console game of all time. PC Gamer condemned it as a "shallow, hateful waste" and ranked it number one on their "Must NOT Buy" list in 2007. It also appeared on UGO Network’s list of 102 worst games (#27) and Screen Play’s worst games list (#4), noted for its strange plot and amateurish production values. The title was included in 411mania.com's 2008 "Hall of Shame," where critics suggested it might be the worst game ever made. In 2014, GamesRadar named it among the all-time worst games.

The cover art received negative remarks from 1UP.com for relying on clip art and poor font choices. IGN identified Plumbers Don't Wear Ties as representative of issues stemming from the 3DO’s permissive licensing system that allowed low-quality adult-themed games to saturate the market due to minimal royalties and lack of strict quality oversight.

External links

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